THE BENEFIT OF EXPERIENCE

I was thinking of starting up another blog where I could give everybody the benefit of my experience as a grandfather. What do you mean, what would I know about it? I've been a grandfather for all of two weeks now, so I know everything there is to know! I don't care if you've been a grandparent for fifteen years or whatever; I still know better than you.

Well, it's not any more stupid than listening to the advice of a man that has been involved in football for all of five minutes, is it? And yet, we're all supposed to listen and pay heed to 'Warbs' as he tells us what's wrong with Scottish football. He's been moaning to all and sundry about Alloa reducing the size of their pitch and now he's banging on about artificial pitches. Apparently that's what's holding Scottish football back and if we only had decent grass pitches then we'd have the same TV money flooding in as they do in England. How did football survive without this genius to tell everybody what's gone wrong? I wonder what would happen if Gordon Strachan turned up at the London Stock Exchange and told them how they should be running things.

Has this clown seen the state of Hampden? That's what many grass pitches look like in Scotland and, as I've said on here before, that's a bigger disgrace than one made out of plastic. 'Artificial pitches cause injuries', bleats Warbs. And what the hell does he think happens to players that have to perform on a tattie field?

The Daily Record had an article about some drunk guy in Manchester urinating against the war memorial in St. Peter's Square. Said article has disappeared and even a search on the DR website fails to unearth it. The Daily Mirror still has the story so obviously it's just the Record that has decided to pull it. I wonder why. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that The Peeppul pished all over this very monument in 2008, could it? It certainly wouldn't do to remind folk in Scotland of that particular incident. What would Warbs say?

Meanwhile, a big stooshie has emerged over plans by the European Clubs Association to change the Champions League into a tournament for Europe's 'top twenty' teams, no matter where they sit in their respective leagues. This was bound to happen since the whole thing is already a joke with countries like England able to send four teams, while the winner of the Europa League is now able to qualify automatically. Really, it should be the champions from each European league that take part, with an exception made for the holders. At the moment it is not a 'champions' league. Neil Doncaster says,  'If Europe's top clubs are allowed automatic access, then that could leave clubs like Celtic and Rangers (sic) on the outside looking in'. Er...I don't think he needs to worry about Sevco; I think their noses are going to be pressed against the window for a long while yet, if they stay alive that is!

The corporate services committee of North Lanarkshire Council has approved a request to fly the Irish flag over council buildings on May 24th to commemorate the Easter Rising of 1916. Holy shit, Batman! Can you imagine the furore that's going to cause? In a masterclass of understatement, the Daily Record says, 'The decision to fly the flag will still have to be approved by the full council, and it is expected there will be fierce opposition from councillors to the move.' I bet there'll be! Fortunately for all concerned, the friendly town of Larkhall is in South Lanarkshire. I'm sure, though, that their brothers from Airdrie and Harthill will be there to make sure their 'tradishuns' and 'culchur' aren't trampled on!

On the political front, is there nothing like a Hansard for the Scottish Parliament? I've looked at the website and all I can find is mere skeleton outlines of debates etc. I wanted to read the full text of Jackie Baillie's speech about organ donation. Apparently, while other parties left it as a free vote, Scottish Labour used the whip and Baillie's speech was supposedly very party political, a charge she denies. There's a guy going on about it in the Record, telling us how his wife has cystic fibrosis and how he blames the SNP for 'playing politics' with the issue. The whole thing hinges on the speech that Baillie gave; I'd like to hear or read it for myself. The article in the Record, meanwhile, waits until the very end to inform us, almost as an afterthought, that the man writing the piece is actually standing for election to Holyrood for RISE. It appears that the knives are out already.

Finally, bad news yet again for The Peeppul as King's warchest ends up in the hands of the police.

A song for Warbs.